My dear ol' lucy. Please hang in there for me! =] I know you're trying your best, you're doing really well today - hope it lasts~!

These 5 weeks have past like a breeze, really. I've enjoyed myself thoroughly! hahas. felt the stress as well, and the pinch. :P \

It's been about 3 weeks since 19th october now, life seems to have moved on as normal, like a rushing river dragging a heavy boulder along, toing, toing toing... hmmm that sounded a little more springy than i meant it to be.

but yeah. A part of me wants to hold on and remember, yet the fast pace of time is dragging me along. I wonder if I'll forget once I stop reminiscing once in a while. Now it just feels like we've lost contact, like we have when I was in Bath last year. By the time I really live and settle down back in Singapore, it'll be 2012, I wonder if I've already gotten used to your absence.

I can take being competitive no more.

I never thought that I'm much of a competitive person and have always been irk-ed out by people who frequently compare scores from like tests and exams. But I guess being a rafflesian I've been so used to having outstanding performances that it has become a sort of affirmation for me.

As I enter uni and as I am growing as a uni student, I am gradually losing that standard, and I recognise other aspects of life that are important, and gradually listen to what's within me for my own ego and self-confidence.

However, I realise that I jump at every manner in which I used to compete in the past. Who has more placement interviews, who has the best lab results, who finishes lab fastest and earliest. All these are all meaningless and i KNOW it. But somehow I just can't get out of that mentality.

Am going to a talk later on about assisted dying. Something that i realised was interesting and not in my usual list of activities and I actually decided to go for it. I actually commented on the forum! surprisingly. Hope it'll be an enjoyable one later =]

i wished i could watch you sleep as well. even though you'd probably be the one doing that. hahahaha. So much effort being put into maintaining this friendship. When comes the time when my falling asleep will become an annoyance? when my 'yapway' runs out? and then all the promises will be left unfulfilled again, and all we have will be memories of what once was...

it's been good for 3 good weeks. but given the circumstances... these 3 weeks were so significant. yet... 3 weeks isn't that long a time either, to prove that it's going to work out alright. I could almost make out your steady breathing...

I haven't seen you in quite a while. seeing your pictures online on facebook was... almost a breath-taking moment. i don't want to bear the sight of watching you over webcam... it'll be too much to take. I miss your smiles and your tinsy reactions when we're with other people... everytime i see a little (or big) doggy on the street I'm reminded of how you'll hide behind me and grab my arm and go "there's a dog..." lols. these times won't last forever and i wished i could be there where you are when you have the time for me... and me for you. I'm so afraid that I'll forget how important you are to me, how much fun we had together.. and the many many things that we've planned.

I'm afraid of letting you go.. I'm afraid that I will forget about the happy times, about the times when I really could behave like a little girl. When I had no responsibilities except to play... and I loved to play... When you'll always keep me in check.. What does the future bring?

I'm gonna miss hearing you say "elmo, you are very distracted. A lot of things on your mind is it?"

You tell me that all the time when I don't jump about like a lil hyperactive kid. You read my mind so easily, and yet I tried to lie sometimes. Well, sometimes you see through it, sometimes you don't, i don't really know. But I'm really gonna miss hearing you say that because you're the one of the few who sees that and the only one to phrase it like that.

And with that lil' phrase you got me saying all the things in my head. That's how much trust I had in you, and that's how much you were willing to listen.

Well, too much trust (in the friendship sense) is never good for a coach-player relationship, i could never really draw the line that's why I stepped across, expecting you to do the things that you weren't obliged to. Well, taking the huge steps backwards from that line wasn't wise either, seeing as to how I've hurt you. Please understand that that was only me learning to put you in the right place...

Before I left you said you missed me already and looking forward to my return in June. Truth be told I knew I couldn't let go of what I had in BA and in Singapore, I was dreading to leave and wanted to return as well. Now you're making me return to Singapore to visit you.....in this manner. Now you're making me miss you so much... already. You always made it easy to blame you and dislike you... But I really can't bring myself to do that now, even though I secretly do inside. How could you just leave us this way, knowing that you're vital and central to all of us? How could you just go?

it feels like an insult to even begin describing how much you mean to me. your importance is something i've always known but never admitted. there are times when i feel completely at ease with you, there are times when i completely loathe you, and times when i completely ignored you.

But you were always there. You were always around and we'd always come back to you. No matter what had happened. You'd happily tell me stories of the past, don't know if you know it but you'd repeat it many many times.

i can't go on typing, not really.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23

Hang in there Bernard... you've always watched over and encouraged us while we fought our battles on the pitch..Now we're watching over you and praying for you as you fight yours. Please fight for us as we have always fought for you, we need you so much, so much more than you can imagine.

"can't really make time move faster for u, or make things work out better or less hectic, can only lend u a pair of mini Dumbo-sized ear duos to whine into =)"

This will forever make me feel loved. With a friend like this, who needs chocolates? ;) mini Dumbo-sized sounds like an oxymoron though. :P

Thanks to you i've been happier than I had ever been. Happier than i've ever been. Maybe it was the sudden change, maybe it was having finally reached the destination, maybe it was learning how to enjoy every single thing that i do, look forward to every bit of my life. I thank you. My summer vacation back home in Singapore was not in any tiny droplet wasted. I feel fortunate, blessed, loved. More than I've ever been. More than you'll ever be.

Shall have to find bits and remnants of Bath to reminiscence so that I can look forward to getting back. Friends is the first thing, exciting events in chess the other, and learning more about pharmacology =) Living in my own rented apartment (still thinking about the cat...) and BUYING lots of things!!! I've already got the pink (but not fluffy) skullcandy headphones in mind, then there's finding my dressing style, there's buying toiletries and facial products for my complexion, there's learning how to play the flute!!!!=) oh and i really want to work in the Abdul's takeaway stall. I wonder if he'll be agreeable. Hope so!! Not that I need the money, but if i wanna work in this kinda FnB stalls, better do it in UK (higher pay) and also while i'm still a student! hmmm what about the michael ball concert??? =S

year 2 sem 1 timetable looks crazy. I have a 7hour practical every tuesday from week 2 to 11. :( That's madness!! well, guess the internship at DSO was good, at least I won't get freaked out thinking that I'll be going to the lab for the whole day =] In fact, come to think of it, I did enjoy going to the lab in MH. Most of the time. =] There is a certain sense of pride even, to be part of ADT. no kidding!

Living in the moment.

o February 2006
o March 2006
o April 2006
o May 2006
o June 2006
o July 2006
o August 2006
o September 2006
o October 2006
o November 2006
o December 2006
o January 2007
o February 2007
o March 2007
o April 2007
o June 2007
o April 2008
o May 2008
o June 2008
o July 2008
o August 2008
o September 2008
o October 2008
o November 2008
o December 2008
o January 2009
o February 2009
o March 2009
o April 2009
o May 2009
o June 2009
o July 2009
o August 2009
o September 2009
o October 2009
o November 2009

Xiu Huan.
17/02. 20years old.
Singaporean and Back at home!
A nerdy Rafflesian from 410 and 07S06R. :)
Survived being a fresher at Bath
But turned out to be an Alcoholic.
Loves Family, Friends and singaporean hawker Food.
Loves Football.
Plays Chess?!
On addiction therapy for KitKat.
Not sure of her motivation in life

brother yap's personal blog
brother yap's geeky joomla blog

soccer dudes!
dorko!
magdalene
Ms Olivia Khoo Jia Rui
yating <33

chessmates
gerald didi

07s06r dears
limin!!
alaris
dylan the man!
edison
ggy
mr chong
weilin
xiaoting

Binbin (fergus)

skin by : CHRYSTLEE
codes from/inspired by :purplekisses
photobucket
google